


Damn right, and I’ll do it again, cause I am right so I gots to win

by voices_in_my_head



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Vanessa doesn't die and neither does the X-Force, au where no one dies, stop killing female characters for the man pain 2k18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14788934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: "“I’m really glad you didn’t die.” Ness squeezed his side and Wade kept going, “mostly because everyone thinks Marvel is becoming super progressive and killing you for my man pain would go against that.”"





	Damn right, and I’ll do it again, cause I am right so I gots to win

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Veto_power_over_clocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veto_power_over_clocks/gifts).



> Like the notes said: I left the cinema yesterday pretty upset at how Vanessa died for Wade's man pain so I was like "I kind of want to write a version where Ness lives" and Ceci went "do it. She deserves it. The world deserves it." so this is for Ceci, and for the world.

“Baby. Hey, baby, it’s okay, I’m here, no one is going to hurt you,” Wade was standing in front of Ness, holding onto her face with both hands.

Ness forced herself to look away from the bodies on the floor of their apartment and into his face.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Wade said, smiling that crooked smile of his that she absolutely loved and she drew a deep breath.

“So, near death experiences. Fun, uh?” Ness said, trying for an amused tone, but failing, what with the way her voice shook as she spoke, not to mention the fact that she was having trouble keeping the tears at bay.

Wade’s face fell at that and she felt sad for making him sad, but she just couldn’t bounce back as fast as him.

He hugged her and she squeezed back with all her strength, breathing slowly evening out.

Ness had no idea how much time had passed when Wade finally let go, though he didn’t move more than a step back. He was still holding onto her waist and she to his shoulders.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I just ruined our anniversary.”

“You didn’t,” Ness’ voice didn’t sound as confident as she wanted it to so she coughed to clear her throat and begun away. “You didn’t ruin anything. The men with the guns did.”

Wade looked guiltily down at her, “they wouldn’t have come after you if I hadn’t been here.”

“Wade-“ Ness started because she knew where the conversation was headed.

Wade gave a sad shake of his head, “you know it’s true. You could have died.”

“But I didn’t,” Ness forcefully said.

“But you could have and unlike me, that’s not something you’d bounce back from. Not something I’d bounce back from,” Wade told her in a low tone and Ness moved her right hand from his shoulder up to his face, feeling the little mounts the scars created in his face.

“We’re not having this conversation again, Wade Winston Wilson. I love you. I am married to you, I am going to carry your child and I am going to be with you for the rest of my life, whether it’s the next five days or the next fifty years, it doesn’t change that.”

Wade put both hands on her cheeks and kissed her forehead. Then he looked down at her, still with that sad tilt to his lips, “you deserve so much more than five days.”

Ness didn’t reply right away. Of course, it wasn’t like she wanted to die. But they had already gone through this years before. Ness would rather have a short life with Wade by her side than a long one without him.

“I’m not going anywhere, so stop being an idiot,” she squeezed his face a last time and then let go of his face. “I’m going to put on some pants and then we’re going to get rid of the bodies.”

“Baby, you do know how to put an angle on my dangle.”

Ness blinked at him and Wade shook his head. “Yeah, I don’t think it was one of my best either.”

She rolled her eyes at him and with a smile went to put on some pants. They could get back to celebrating their anniversary after the bodies were gone.

.

Later, once the strap on had been thoroughly used and they had tried to make a baby, Wade turned to her on the bed with a serious look.

“I think I need to find a new job,” he told her and Ness frowned.

“But you love being a merc.”

“I do. But I love you more and I’m gonna love Todd more too. You’re not going to die because of me.”

Ness smiled sadly and put a hand on Wade’s cheek. He briefly closed his eyes at the contact, but quickly opened them again. It didn’t matter how much Ajax had tried to hurt him; Wade’s eyes remained as they had always been: compassionate, kind, strong… Everything she had ever wanted in a partner.

“I’ve never asked you to not do what you love and I’m not going to do it now. I couldn’t live with myself if you resented me,” Ness whispered, feeling her eyes prickle.

Wade moved his head a bit so that he could kiss her palm.

“I could never resent you. It’s my choice.”

Ness thought about that for some seconds. As usual, Wade just stared at her, silently and patiently. She smiled.

“So, you’re finally taking Piotr’s offer, right?”

“First of all, why you and Colossus are on a first name basis is beyond me-“

“Afraid I’m going to steal your BFF?” Ness asked with a smirk, interrupting him. She received a mock glare in response, which just made her smile grow.

“We’re not BFFs.”

“You literally gave him a bracelet with the word “BFF” in it. And everyone knows it wasn’t ironic. You know Piotr cried a couple tears when you gave it to him.”

“Yeah, I still don’t get how his tears are normal.”

“We are not having this conversation again,” Ness immediately said, trying to change the subject because she knew what would happen if she didn’t: first Wade would ponder on the tears, then he’d pass to bodily fluids and suddenly they’d be talking about how Piotr masturbated.

Which, Ness had nothing against the thought but she knew Piotr would feel deeply uncomfortable if he knew they were discussing him in that way, so she tried to stop Wade from doing it.

“Fine, you’re no fun.”

Ness smiled and snuggled a bit closer, looking up at Wade. “That’s not what you were saying an hour ago.”

“No, pretty sure what I was saying was “yes, harder, daddy”.”

Ness laughed against his chest, even though Wade wasn’t lying.

They were silent for some seconds before Wade picked the topic back up, “anyway, we both know I’m not X-Men material.”

Ness looked up at him, “you know what the Xavier Mansion is full of?”

“Sexually repressed teenagers?”

“I don’t know how repressed they are; Piotr told me Negassonic has a girlfriend. Her name is Yukio.”

Wade shook his head, though with the way he still had it on the pillow, it looked kind of weird. “Kids, they grow so fast.”

“Yes, they do. And that’s also the correct answer.”

Wade raised an eyebrow. Well, he raised the scarred bald patch where an eyebrow would have been if it hadn’t been for the cancer.

“Xavier Mansion is full of kids. And, as the last hour showed, we are very interested in having one. So, you spending time with some will be a good thing.”

Wade opened his mouth but closed it before saying anything. Ness sent him a winning smile.

“Fine. I’ll join the X-Men. God, I never thought I’d be saying these words.”

Ness just smiled.

They were quiet after that and Ness was starting to feel drowsy when Wade spoke again, “I’m really glad you didn’t die.” Ness squeezed his side and Wade kept going, “mostly because everyone thinks Marvel is becoming super progressive and killing you for my man pain would go against that.”

For the sake of her sanity, Ness decided to ignore that and give herself up for sleep.

.

Ness was pissed off. Truth be told, she didn’t let herself get angry too often. It was one of those emotions that if she let it, would devour her whole and leave nothing left. So, Ness usually pushed it down until it was so deep down some days she barely felt it.

This was not one of those days.

Ness walked purposely towards the door of the Xavier Mansion in her seven inches heels, even though they felt too large in her feet because Wade just didn’t believe they were not the same size and kept getting into her heels instead of buying his own.

Still, there was quite the height in difference between her and Piotr and this was not the moment to show attention to it. The fact that the shoes made her feel more like a badass didn’t hurt either.

Ness pushed the doorbell three times in a row. After five seconds she did it again. A bloody mansion and no one was around to open the door? No wonder Wade kept joking about budget cuts.

By the time Negassonic opened the door, Ness had rung the doorbell fifteen more times and had her arms crossed, leaning her weight more on her right foot than left.

“Hey,” Negassonic said, sounding awkward, even though she was trying not to.

Usually Ness would have done everything in her power to make sure Negassonic felt as comfortable as possible. But this wasn’t a usual day so she just raised an eyebrow.

“Are you going to let me in or what?”

Negassonic looked at her for a few seconds. Ness started drumming her fingers against her arm, calling Negassonic’s attention to her very long nails. She wasn’t afraid to fight dirty.

Finally, Negassonic sighed and moved aside.

“The right choice,” Ness said, walking inside and not pausing as she made her way towards Piotr’s bedroom.

It was still early in the day and normally Piotr would be teaching or training, but Ness had come to know the guy pretty well in the past few years and she knew today hadn’t been a good day.

Ness was about to make it worse but seeing as Piotr had left Wade to be taken away with a fucking collar on his neck, she couldn’t find it in herself to feel pity.

Ness didn’t bother to knock as she opened the door. Piotr immediately rolled on the bed, from the window to the doorway. He sat up as he saw her.

“Nessa, he was not ready. I was mistaken to take him with me.”

“Shut up,” Ness said. “You don’t get to talk right now, not after you fucked up this tremendously.”

Piotr opened his mouth to say something but Ness sent him a look, and he closed it. Even though this absolutely wasn’t the moment, she couldn’t help but to feel a little bit smug at the power rush. Still, it was a quick moment before she forced herself back on track.

“You’ve known Wade for how long now? Quite a few years. Now, I’m sure Wade’s never told you about his childhood over a coffee and with a few tears, but you’re not an idiot, so I know you’ve gathered it wasn’t the best thing from his jokes. So, what in the ever-loving motherfucking hell made you think for even one second that Wade killed that man for no good reason is beyond me.”

Piotr opened his mouth again, but this time closed it without Ness even having to do anything. He frowned.

“You do know that that school doesn’t exactly have the best reputation, right? For years, the students coming out of there have been trying to tell their stories but because the school has the backing of several churches, they keep getting shut down.”

“I did not know that,” Piotr finally spoke up.

“No, you didn’t. And why is that? Because you didn’t fucking research, instead you just went gallivanting like you always do.”

“It is what we do.”

“What you do is try to help mutants,” Ness spoke each word as she took a step in Piotr’s direction, finally stopping just a few inches from him. She put a manicured finger against his chest and looked down at him. “What you don’t do is stand by and watch as a child and a friend are taken away, like some animals. Now, I saw what happened to the kid when they put that collar on him. His powers went out. So, because I’m not an idiot, I know what that means for Wade. Do you?”

Piotr looked at her for a few seconds in silence, blinking slowly. “His powers do not work in the prison.”

“No, they fucking don’t. Which means, there’s nothing stopping Wade’s cancer cells from simply killing him.”

Slowly, Piotr started looking horrified. As he well should have been.

Ness stuck her finger a little harder against his chest. She could feel the pressure through her nail and Piotr moved just a bit back, so as not to hurt her.

“If Wade dies, I am going to find a way to remove your metallic balls from your body and burn them.”

They stared at each other in the eye for several seconds before Ness straightened. She turned around and walked to the door. Just before leaving the bedroom, she turned back to Piotr, still sitting in the bed, with the look of someone who was about to re-evaluate their life choices, and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, are you coming or not?”

Piotr frowned. “Where?”

Ness smiled and Piotr moved a bit back on the bed. “To get Wade out, of course.”

This time, when she walked out of the door, she didn’t turn back. It wasn’t long before she heard Piotr getting up and following her.

.

They ended up not needing to rescue Wade because he got himself out. Well, as much as “a cyborg destroyed half the prison trying to get to the kid and then I ended up taking a dive into a freezing lake and had to climb all the way up and walk home” counted as getting himself out. Coming from Wade, it really, really did.

“I have to get back for the kid,” Wade told Ness, as she was sitting behind him on the sofa, with her legs stretched around his waist and on top of his knees, trying to warm him up as much as possible.

“I know,” Ness murmured and Wade moved his head so they were staring at each other.

“You do?”

Ness smiled and nuzzled his face. “Of course I do. I know you and I know you’d never just let go of an innocent kid.”

Wade sighed, “you think I’m better than I actually am.”

Ness kept the smile on her face, not letting him drag them down. She put a hand on his cheek, “no, I make you better than you are. Same as you do me.”

Wade smiled. After a few seconds he said, “well, I’m not sure that’s exactly the way I do you, but…”

Ness laughed against his neck and Wade turned back to staring ahead. Ness squeezed him with her tights.

“I’m going to need a team.”

“I’ve already put Weasel trying to find people.”

Wade sighed, “God, how I love you.”

Ness smiled and went back to nuzzling Wade’s neck. “I love you too.”

.

The thing was, Wade was a pretty smart guy when he wanted to be. Coming up with a plan to rescue Russell from a Cyborg/inhumane prison, was not one of those moments.

“This is the stupidest plan I’ve ever seen. Ever,” Ness told Wade and the rest of his misfits group as they sat around their living room, with Wade standing by the wall, where he had put up a hand drawn plan. With stick figures because of course he had.

Wade pouted at her, “it’s a good plan.”

Ness blinked at him. “It’s the worst plan in the history of bad plans.”

Wade stared at her, then to his plan, then back to her. When it looked like he was about to repeat the movement, Ness sighed, “the wind in New York isn’t actually that weak. There is no way you’ll end up falling on top of the truck and it’ll be a miracle if you don’t die trying.”

Wade opened his mouth but Ness quickly said, “you’re the only one that wouldn’t die. Permanently.”

Domino put her hand up, “I wouldn’t either. I’m lucky.”

Wade turned to her, “being lucky is not a superpower.”

“Uhm, yes, it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it’s-“

“Okay guys, we get it,” Ness said because Bedlam was starting to look like he was about to put his electromagnetic powers to use. Ness wouldn’t even have been able to fully blame him for it.

Domino gave her a winning smile while Wade turned back to the presentation.

“I still think it could work,” he whined, which was what Wade always did when he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

Ness smiled and went to him, putting a hand against his cheek. “It can’t.”

Wade sighed, “fine, we’ll take the minivan. But we’re gonna look so uncool.”

Ness rolled her eyes, not particularly bored about Wade’s street creds.

“Also, it’s a terrible idea to do it downtown. Do you have any idea the number of civilians you could hurt?”

Wade frowned and Ness continued, “yes, many of them probably deserve a very painful death but not everyone. Children will be there.” She sent him her best judgmental look and Wade sighed.

With a nod, Ness moved on to the next issue, turning to the team, “and Peter, you’re staying behind.”

“What?” Peter immediately spoke up. “I’m part of the team!”

“Yes, you are. But you also have no metahuman ability. You can’t even use a gun. So, I’m officially declaring you the secretary.”

Peter frowned, “that sounds boring.”

Ness crossed her arms, “would you rather be boring or dead?”

Peter didn’t reply right away, which almost made Ness throw him out because this was absolutely not a hard question but in the end, he nodded and she forewent her homicidal urges.

“Oh, and Vanisher, you’re turning back to human before leaving the flat so I can watch you get out with both eyes. If I wake up tomorrow and you’re watching over me like a creep, I’ll dismember you.”

“That’s fair,” Ness received as a response somewhere from Shatterstar’s right. Good; this might actually work.

.

It didn’t work. Completely. No, okay, who was Ness trying to kid. It didn’t work at all. And now Wade was re-growing everything from the waist down. And because he was a big baby, of course he’d gone to Al’s to be nurtured back to health. And partly because he wanted to scar her for life, which certainly took some creativity, considering she was blind.

However, once that was done, Ness put a blanket on top of his lap. Wade, being Wade, had complained about it. He’d stopped when she’d mentioned how she could actually feel her vagina closing up for the next five years if she had to keep seeing her husband’s penis going from baby size to normal size.

Of course, five seconds later he’d said “but it’s not quite normal size, is it?” Ness had simply gone to the kitchen, to see how Peter was doing. He was making soup; turned out he was a father of five. Thank God she’d made him the secretary.

He was also the only one still around. Ness couldn’t really blame the guys for bailing after seeing the Juggernaut in person ripping Wade in two.

Domino, bless her, had stuck around and proven to everyone that being lucky really was a superpower.

Weasel came in with a gun, telling them he’d spilled the beans to Cable, which again, was fair enough. Everyone knew how he dealt with pain and oh hey, there was the Cyborg standing behind them.

And wow, Wade had been holding out on her. Now, it wasn’t like she hadn’t been attracted to a young Arnold Schwarzenegger before the scandals had broken, but damn, Cable was making him eat his dust. What a shame that he was okay with murdering fourteen-year-olds.

“I need your help,” he said and then he and Wade were making a deal and oh hey, Cable just totally checked out her husband and called him handsome. Maybe he’d be interested in a three-way? Right, not the moment to think about this.

Ness didn’t know how this was her life but somehow, Weasel’s narration of Wade getting up and waddling towards Cable, not caring about the blanket left behind or how he was scarring literally everyone in room except Al, the lucky bastard, actually made the moment less awkward.

.

Before they went to rescue Russel, they went for back-up and Jesus Christ, but grown men were such freaking babies.

Right, so the breakdown of the story was: Wade was mad at Piotr for the way he just left him in prison, which was fair, even though Ness told him they had been coming up with a plan to rescue him, and Piotr was upset because Wade had found a new team.

Okay, so he hadn’t said that in so many words when she’d called him but Ness had known the guy for years and he really did wear his emotions on his sleeves. No wonder Wade loved messing with him.

Anyway, back to the fact that men were utterly incapable of dealing with their feelings and Ness was going to have to have another conversation about toxic masculinity with them.

They were standing outside the Xavier Mansion and Ness had finally convinced Wade to try and repair things. Ness wasn’t even mad he was doing it with a tiny boombox, though she did have many questions on where he’d found it and more importantly, where he’d been keeping it, because she hadn’t seen it throughout the whole ride.

And oh, what a ride, stuck between Wade and Cable and she knew it really, really wasn’t the moment, but God, the sexual tension was killing her.

Back to the point: Wade did his _Say Anything_ iconic moment and okay, Ness had never actually seen the film so she wasn’t sure she should be quoting it, what with the fact that in retrospective films from the eighties were really freaking creepy, like _Sixteen Candles_ and Piotr finally came out.

Negassonic and Yukio came too because Ness just knew everyone was going to die otherwise.

.

Due to the fact that she was married to a mercenary, Ness was pretty good with a gun, knife and half a dozen other weapons, but she hadn’t had any type of special ops training or have a mutation to save her life, so she didn’t go with them to save Russel, even though she really wanted to.

Instead, she stayed in the taxi with Dopinder, trying to change his mind about becoming an assassin, and mostly failing. Ness wasn’t sure his cousin should count as his first assassination, since he had died more because Dopinder had forgotten about him than any real choice on his part. Dopinder didn’t see it that way.

Anyway, suddenly there was the sound of a shot and it certainly hadn’t been the first that afternoon, but it had come after quite a pause, and Ness simply had this feeling in her stomach like something was wrong, so she ran from the car towards the sound.

Wade had been shot. Cable had been aiming for the kid but Wade had jumped in front of him.

Ness had been so sure she was about to see him die, because Cable’s gun was from the future and there was just this feeling in her stomach, but in the end her anniversary coin saved him. The same one which she had given him for good luck before he’d gone to the X-Men and which Cable had taken and then got back in time to put it against his chest after he shot and killed Wade, because she had been right and even Wade’s mutation wasn’t enough to stop a weapon from the future.

Ness simply accepted that at point blank and went to hug Cable after Wade done it. Contrary to him, she did not get a knife thrust against her pelvis or any part of her body. Still, she could feel how uncomfortable he was and unlike Wade, she tried not to be an asshole, so she let him go.

“Thank you,” Ness said with tears falling from her eyes.

Cable shrugged, “it was my fault. He did not deserve to die like this.”

Ness laughed, “because he deserves a way worse death?”

Cable studied her face for some seconds and then shook his head. “No, he doesn’t.”

Ness smiled brightly at him and started the movement to hug him again but saw him flinch so settled for a hand against his metal arm. It was surprisingly warm to the touch.

“You should come over for dinner,” she said and then turned to the rest of the team, “all of you.”

Negassonic and Yukio declined her offer in favor of taking the kids to Xavier’s Mansion and Ness saw Russel glancing between them and Wade.

Ness went to him and put an arm against his shoulders, “you’re coming with us, kid.”

Russel looked grateful at her and Wade raised an eyebrow at her, knowing what Russel didn’t: she didn’t just mean it for now. Ness nodded in response and Wade just shrugged, though she could see the happy look in his eyes.

He walked next to her and said in a low tone, “we’re going to need a bigger apartment.”

Ness smiled at him, “yes, three bedrooms, minimum. But not the surbs.”

“God no, you’d kill someone.”

Ness nodded because yes, she would.

“Though you’d look amazing in orange,” Wade offered and Ness laughed.

“I look amazing in everything.”

“That is true, especially in your birthday suit,” Wade said and wiggled his non-existent eyebrows.

“Guys, please, there is a kid right beside you,” Piotr said in his paternal tone and Ness couldn’t wait to have a kid and ask him to be the godfather. God, he was going to cry so hard.

“I shared a cell with him for a couple days. He ain’t as innocent as you think,” Wade said and Ness looked down at Russel, who was looking ahead, like the conversation had nothing to do with him. She could see they were going to get along great, and especially gang up against Wade. It was going to be amazing.

And then Dopinder was committing his first actual murder. Uh, maybe he did have a future as an assassin.

 


End file.
